I’ve been thinking a lot lately. That’s not a good thing. Generally when I have time to think as much as I have been, it’s because I have nothing else to do. My parents used to tell me that idle hands are the devil’s playground or something like that. I’ve found that idleness is never good (unless you are in fact resting). In my case, it’s more like I have nothing else to do. Of course as a good Christian, I could be studying the Bible or communing with God, but do you know how hard that is?
I can come up with all kinds of excuses not to spend time pursing what my beliefs insist I do. I know its truth, but I have all sorts of reasons that my mind throws at it. I think the core reason is that I don’t want to risk my heart again.
I remember a time when I still lived in Ohio, that I tried to reach out to God, thinking he would respond in a certain way. I was on my knees in my room, hands raised in worship. Nothing happened. Nothing. It lasted for probably three minutes, but it felt longer to me. I know some people may say I didn’t stay long enough, but I was young, and I tried. I gave up, and went to bed hurt by the whole thing. That experience comes to mind whenever I think about spending time with God (along with memories of being cold, because bedrooms are always cold in the morning no matter the season).
I’ve found that the Prayer Room is the easiest place in the world for me to connect with God. Tonight I plan to go there for at least four hours, if not six, and I imagine I’ll be working through this wound all night. Let’s hope it’s effective.