Last night in the Prayer Room, I wrote for about an hour and a half about the Cold War and communism and why it was good fight them. Why? Because it was on my mind. How ridiculous is that? But it’s not to me. I have all kinds of random questions and commentaries on various topics running through my mind all the time. They are most prevalent (or seem to be) when I’m trying to concentrate on God. It’s really quite troublesome. I know the Bible says “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Php 4:8), and noticing what I think about is bothering me.
Yes, I could say that I’m just a nerd and it’s really just harmless that I ponder the ramifications of the “Communist Manifesto” when I really need to be talking to God. But I can’t say that history is the only I’ve been pondering. Recently, I’ve wondered if I really am the friend I think I am to people. That question drove me to emailing a close friend who I knew would be completely honest with me. I feel better now, but not satisfied, for there are more questions about myself that are running through my mind. I know there is One that knows me better than I do, but when I go to talk to Him, the other thoughts distract me. It’s really annoying. I just need more Jesus.