Lately I’ve been feeling disconnected. I’ve been feeling like I’m really not accomplishing anything of worth. The thing I do most successfully is choose the wrong choice…or that’s how it seems. Do I like it? No. Does it add resistance to my heart toward love? I definitely feel so. It seems that I can’t see the love beyond mere glimpses and shadows. Today should be a really great day off. I slept in, had my favorite breakfast, followed by more breakfast at Chick-fil-a, and then hours of Black Ops (which I’m terrible at, but still enjoy). Yet. The emptiness remains. That feeling when you’re looking for something, but you don’t see it. You long to see it again, but you don’t. The desire to see it gnaws at you, and chafes your soul.
They say that confession makes the heart clean. And the Bible says, those with pure hearts will see God. The Bible also says that God is love, and I believe that when I see love, it’s God working in my life. Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to post my sins to my Internet doorway for all to see. That’s not wisdom. But I will confess something. It’s ridiculously difficult for me to actually trust people (a very important step toward confession). I love to say, I’ll get it off my chest…tomorrow. And I totally do. That last sentence was a lie.
In all my theory as to the absence of the sight of love in my life is the oppressive cloud of both healthy guilt and self-condemnation which is from the Devil. The plan is, that if I talk (or blog) about it, I’ll be more likely to do something about it. Here’s to breaking through my own fears. Raise your glass.