Mistakes. We all make them. I’m definitely not immune to them. I made once just recently, in fact, and I’m about to tell you about it. Hopefully, you’ll get something from it, whether it’s the same thing I learned or not.
In my last post I mentioned that I was dating an amazing girl, and she remains amazing, but she is no longer my girlfriend. Naturally, I was hurt when she broke up with me, and there was some miscommunication in the midst of it (which didn’t soothe any pain at all). Anyway, the thing is, I placed all the blame for our relationship’s demise on her. In talking to friends about it, I made her out to be the villain and I was the victim. I believed I was being truthful, since she the reasons she gave for breaking up had nothing to do with me. Yesterday, that all changed.
I am a part of a Bible study every Wednesday morning with a couple guys from the ministry I work with, and I mentioned the break up at the beginning. Everyone gave me the appropriate, “I’m sorry, bro”, “Man, break ups suck”, etc, reaction, and I went on to tell them how I was learning about God’s leadership and His emotions through it all, blah blah blah. Midway through the study, we are discussing God’s emotions, and how He understands our struggles. He understands feeling pain. I indirectly mentioned my situation, and one of the guys called me out on it. He brought out how I share the blame, and it’s never just one person’s fault. At first I was a little offended, but as he talked more, I thought more. And it started to make sense.
I, in my pain, had turned my wrath toward her, and had began to retaliate in the most vile, yet honest-seeming, way. I attacked her character to everyone I talked to about it. I slandered the crap out of her without really realizing what I was doing. And that, my friend, is wrong. And heartless. Like I had been accusing her of being, I was. Yes, the reasons she had given me for breaking up didn’t have anything to do with me, but I’m sure I had something to do with it anyway. It’s the way relationships work.
Realizing that is one thing, doing something about it is another. This post is one step I’m making to redeem this situation, and I have stopped slandering her, instead I’m taking the blame as well. Is it hard? Yes, most definitely. But I say that I care about her, and I should live up to that. Does this mean I’ll have to talk to her about this? Most likely. Will it be awkward? Heck yes. Worth it? Definitely. A friendship, her worth as a woman (as a human being, really), and the cleansing of the conscience make it worth the awkwardness and humiliation.
Where’s the love in all this? Well, it’s seen in the middle of the murky water I led myself into. There’s a life ring, thrown by a friend. At first, it looks like something harmful, but it contrasts so sharply with the dark, gross water, that I finally see what kind of crap I’m in. God’s on the shore, telling how to use it to get out of the situation. That is love, and I’m starting to see it more and more.