I’m sick and tired of life right now. I don’t want to be in the Prayer Room at all, and I don’t want to live in Kansas City anymore. My soul is unsatisfied; my spirit is restless. But you know what? I have hope. Not much, but it’s as effective as a candle in a cave. Why do I have hope? Because love. Because I am loved by God. Tonight I was in the Prayer Room, staring into nothing, internally freaking out over my life. My Bible and journal lay unopened on the table in front of me. My Bible loomed in my mind as a source of guilt, a guide to the pitfalls of my own life. My journal is already filled with angsty, angry, and desperate entries, and I didn’t feel like adding to that pile. I stared for a good half hour, the tension of it all twisting my stomach and pinching my spine. Finally, the Holy Spirit broke through and spoke to my heart, “Read the part where Jesus tells you not to worry about your life.” As I opened my Bible I came across Jeremiah 31, and felt a nudge to read it too.
In Matthew 7, near the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus drops some bombs.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.(Mat 6:25-34 ESV)
Now I wouldn’t say that I’m to the point that I worry about food or clothes, but I certainly am anxious about my life. I don’t plan on faking it until I make it or something, I believe God desires us to be honest about how we feel. But I will make more of an effort to look at Him rather than the questions that press me from every side. When Jesus was telling the disciples about how to become the greatest, He made a child the example of how to live. Most would say His point was childlike faith where you believe and trust God like a child trusts its parents, and while I agree with that, I go farther. I believe He also wants that honest communication that children are so famous for. A child gets upset over seemingly trivial issues, but a good father doesn’t trivialize and shame the child for feeling so strongly about whatever inconsequential thing. A loving father walks the child through it until the child realizes how small the problem is, or simply remedies the issue for the child if he can.
So take hope, God is the perfect Father, He knows what He’s doing.